A Blow-by-blow Review of The Raid: Redemption

Original title: Serbuan Maut
English title: The Raid: Redemption (reviewed version); The Raid (elsewhere)

Writer: Gareth Evans
Director: Gareth Evans
Producer: Ario Sagantoro
Cinematographer: Matt Flannery & Dimas Imam Subhono
Editor: Gareth Evans
Composer: Fajar Yuskemal & Aria Prayogi (International version); Mike Shinoda & Joseph Trapanese (North American version)
Cast: Iko Uwais, Joe Taslim, Donny Alamsyah, Yayan Ruhian, Pierre Gruno, Tegar Setrya, Ray Sahetapy

Released: 23 March 2012 (Indonesia); 23 March 2012 to 16 June 2013 (everywhere else)



Film, just as all other forms of storytelling, is a portal into human society. By simple virtue of its themes, it exposes the facets of our culture that say more about us than we think, from what we find funny and interesting to what we consider inappropriate. As Impressions of Jogja progresses, reviews of films made in Indonesia will play in a role in introducing you to little-known gems, along with helping us learn about Indonesian culture.

That isn't to say that The Raid: Redemption says anything significant about the Indonesian identity, however, considering its international success. Nor does its appearance as the first film we decided to discuss mean it warrants special attention, the reasons for which will become clear as you read further. We were hesitant to call this a review, because what it is instead is a running commentary of the film, done through Skype.

Why did we decide on this format instead of an actual review? Well, you will learn that soon enough, but for those who wish to skip to the conclusion (stop reading here to avoid spoilers!): neither of us enjoyed The Raid, and trying to analyse it did not seem terribly appealing. However, with its popularity in mind, tackling it seemed like the apt thing to do. Midway through the film, we came upon a solution: paste our conversation, providing readers with a blow-by-blow account. After all, what better way to analyse something with no depth?

Below you can read along as we watch The Raid: Redemption, dragging our patience along, one facepalm at a time.

[14:45:20] Allihc: Ready
[14:45:42] Alex: Prepare yourself
[14:45:46] Alex: Play
[14:45:55] Allihc:
[14:46:01] Alex: Nau
[14:46:12] Allihc:
[14:46:21] Alex:
[14:46:43] Allihc: Opening scene and already
[14:46:56] Allihc: Gun randomly on table
[14:47:50] Alex: I'm going to reserve from commenting
[14:47:53] Allihc:
[14:47:55] Alex: Too late
[14:48:03] Alex: Oh
[14:48:05] Alex:
[14:48:11] Allihc:
[14:48:11] Alex: What have you done
[14:48:13] Alex: This is dubbed
[14:48:16] Allihc: English
[14:48:30] Alex: Are you trying to kill us
[14:48:34] Alex: First bad acting
[14:48:41] Alex: Now bad voice dubbing
[14:49:38] Alex: Jeez
[14:49:53] Alex: This is the quality of a 70s Hong Kong movie
[14:49:59] Allihc: It is
[14:50:04] Allihc: Also gewd for me
[14:50:08] Alex: We go in
[14:50:14] Allihc: I couldn't endure the Indonesian
[14:50:16] Alex: We take him out
[14:50:23] Alex: To fine dining
[14:50:25] Alex: Lawl
[14:50:29] Alex: I'd prefer Indonesian
[14:51:26] Allihc: This is so lame
[14:52:40] Allihc: God help me
On first viewing, we could not make it beyond this scene.
[14:52:57] Alex: Remember this is how far we got last time
[14:53:09] Allihc: Uhuh
[14:53:16] Allihc: And I want to stop already
[14:53:43] Allihc: Why Kermode likes it 1
[14:53:50] Allihc: He's senile
[14:54:23] Alex: Pretty sure he didn't watch this version
[14:54:46] Allihc: Pretty sure he did
[14:55:14] Allihc: Well, whichever version, still
[14:55:14] Alex: Do you think the Academy people also did
[14:55:19] Alex: Yeah
[14:55:28] Alex: But even I'm too close to it
[14:55:34] Alex: The question--
[14:55:35] Alex: Bah
[14:55:42] Alex: I was going to ask why Indonesians like it
[14:55:43] Allihc: They all look constipated
[14:55:45] Allihc:
[14:55:52] Allihc: Oh, we don't have taste
[14:55:54] Alex: It's Java
[14:55:57] Alex: It's hot
[14:56:37] Alex: Lol
[14:56:42] Alex: Now the radio is Indonesian
[14:56:50] Allihc: Uhuh
[14:56:56] Alex: Hahaha
[14:57:01] Allihc:
[14:57:02] Alex: That's taken from Hitman
[14:57:06] Allihc: What's the point
[14:57:23] Allihc: He can still scream
[14:57:32] Alex: That's a video game move
[14:57:39] Alex: Nu
[14:57:45] Alex: They just forgot to dub that part
[14:58:03] Alex: You can tell he's the badass of the group
[14:58:10] Alex: Because he's the one with the gravelly voice
[14:58:16] Alex: I'll f*****' end you
[14:58:27] Allihc: Yeah
[14:58:33] Allihc: I'm Batman
[14:58:43] Allihc: I'm sorry
[14:59:01] Allihc: Can't help to mimic those stares... "like effin glue"
[14:59:09] Alex:
[14:59:17] Allihc: *squints*
[14:59:56] Alex:
[15:00:06] Alex: Interesting score
[15:00:21] Allihc: It's cliche
[15:00:33] Alex: It's not dubstep
[15:00:46] Alex: Which is the obligatory action score now
[15:00:54] Alex: Unless you want to be Nolan
[15:01:20] Allihc: Oh, we don't know yet about the new trend I guess
[15:01:51] Alex: Lawl
[15:01:56] Allihc: Bare necessity
[15:02:00] Alex: I like the look on the scared kid
[15:02:11] Allihc: Me tew
[15:02:16] Allihc: That one looks genuine
[15:02:20] Alex: This dubbing
[15:03:00] Allihc: Also you know it's Indonesian squad
[15:03:07] Alex: Have to watch Oldboy
[15:03:12] Allihc: Only us would kill a kid
[15:03:25] Alex:
[15:03:49] Alex: It's sad that this is the pinnacle of Indonesian international cinema
[15:04:47] Alex: If only Pasir Berbisik got more attention
[15:04:52] Alex:
[15:04:58] Allihc: A Swat dude moaning
[15:04:58] Alex: Indonesian squad
[15:05:08] Alex: He'd dead you idiot
[15:05:16] Alex: Lame
[15:05:25] Allihc: Laaaaaaaaaaaaame
[15:06:00] Alex: This must be Jakarta
[15:06:04] Alex: Shooting going on
[15:06:13] Alex: People in the background keep going to lunch
[15:06:48] Allihc: Uhuh
[15:07:16] Allihc: The Chinese dude is in Fast and Furious 6
[15:07:18] Alex: If they're going to speak English, might as well give them English names
[15:07:29] Alex: Unit one, this is David
[15:07:35] Alex: This is John, whatchu want?
[15:07:37] Allihc: Alexander Sugiantoro
[15:07:41] Alex:
[15:07:59] Alex: Yeah you said he goes to Hollywood
[15:08:09] Alex: Good for him...
[15:08:15] Alex: But this is bayd
[15:08:19] Allihc: Uhuh
[15:08:20] Allihc: Agreed
[15:09:03] Alex:
[15:09:06] Alex: Ssssssh
[15:09:11] Alex: SERGEANT!!!
[15:09:23] Allihc: Oooh the pain
[15:09:40] Allihc: 80 more minutes
[15:09:53] Alex: I don't know
[15:10:02] Alex: Maybe there's a twist or something
[15:10:13] Alex: But you're watching Oldboy
[15:10:38] Allihc: Oh that shadow part is cool
[15:10:42] Alex: I agree
[15:10:54] Alex: Okay, seriously
[15:10:59] Alex: This is Jakarta, right?
[15:11:10] Allihc: Sadly, to no avail
[15:11:13] Allihc: I guess
[15:11:59] Alex: I don't get the premise that they can get away with it
[15:12:14] Allihc: Just explained
[15:12:15] Alex: Jakarta is heavily populated
[15:12:29] Alex: But no one hears gunshots :- ??
[15:12:36] Allihc: Oh, we don't have SWAT to begin with
[15:12:40] Alex:
[15:12:44] Alex: You're joking
[15:12:49] Allihc: Nu
[15:13:08] Allihc: We do have an elite counter terrorist agent
[15:13:25] Allihc: (The one that trained them for this movie)
[15:13:41] Alex: Who is this bad guy?
[15:13:49] Allihc: Which one?
That's a big building with a lot of people to kill.
[15:13:51] Alex: Maybe he's part of JI
[15:14:02] Allihc: LOL
[15:14:03] Alex: The one who controls this
[15:14:18] Allihc: Bad or good?
[15:14:21] Alex: Bad guy
[15:14:28] Alex: With the hammer
[15:14:28] Allihc: Oh, Ray Sahetapy
[15:14:35] Allihc: A senior actor
[15:14:38] Alex: Nu
[15:14:41] Alex: The character
[15:14:41] Allihc: In the wifebeater?
[15:14:49] Allihc: Nu idea
[15:14:57] Allihc: Should be a drug dealer or something
[15:14:57] Alex: I know he's Mad Dog
[15:14:59] Alex: Oh god
[15:15:05] Alex: Dubstep
[15:15:32] Alex: Geez
[15:15:41] Alex: Just shoot everyone
[15:15:47] Alex:
[15:15:51] Alex: Oh man
[15:15:55] Alex: Did you hear the scream!
[15:16:30] Allihc: What scream
[15:16:35] Allihc: School of Arrow 2
[15:16:39] Alex: When the guy fell out the window
[15:16:45] Alex: It was the Wilhelm scream
[15:17:24] Alex: Legolas school of ammunition supply3
[15:17:35] Allihc: Yeah
[15:17:39] Allihc: Wilhelm
[15:17:48] Alex: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdbYsoEasio
[15:17:51] Alex: For later if you want
[15:18:41] Allihc:
[15:18:55] Allihc: Who's he?
[15:19:29] Alex: Wilhelm?
[15:19:38] Allihc: Uhuh
[15:19:50] Alex: Just some actor
[15:20:10] Alex: But for some reason the clip keeps getting reused
[15:20:26] Allihc: Is it the same voice?
[15:20:30] Allihc: or just similar?
[15:20:34] Alex: Oh, nu
[15:20:37] Alex: It's the name of the character
[15:20:44] Alex: Yes
[15:20:48] Alex: It's the exact same clip
[15:21:07] Alex: It's been used since 1951
[15:21:17] Allihc: Geez so lazy
[15:21:43] Alex: I agree
[15:21:46] Alex: In some cases it's a joke
[15:21:50] Alex: But yeah
[15:21:52] Alex: Also when you see kids in a scene
[15:21:59] Allihc: Aah okay
[15:22:03] Alex: You may hear laughing
[15:22:13] Alex: That's also a single clip used a lot
[15:22:16] Alex: I personally hate it
[15:22:24] Alex: And it's one of the things I hate most about films
[15:22:24] Allihc: Oh the giggle?
[15:22:30] Alex: Yup
[15:22:41] Allihc: Like in horror movies?
[15:22:46] Alex: Yes
[15:22:49] Allihc: Yeah, then I know what you mean
[15:23:11] Alex: Uhuh
[15:23:49] Alex: Really, what's the point of writing a unique and original story, if the sound isn't original
[15:24:08] Alex: They should just reuse the action scenes from the Matrix while they're at it
[15:24:28] Alex: This is too gory for me
[15:24:46] Allihc: Agreed
[15:25:33] Allihc: Also, if the choreography is the forte, then I haven't seen anything special
[15:25:40] Alex: Yeah
[15:25:50] Alex: It's just a lot of quick stabbing
[15:25:51] Allihc: Anything Jet Lee or Jackie Chan did is much better
[15:26:01] Alex: And again... Oldboy does it better
[15:26:08] Alex: They're artists
[15:26:11] Allihc: I believe you
[15:26:13] Alex: This is just violence
[15:26:32] Alex: Ong-Bak is better
[15:26:39] Alex: Damn
[15:26:43] Alex: That's how bad this movie is
[15:26:56] Allihc: I guess people who like it only want violence
[15:26:59] Alex: Damn it
[15:27:03] Alex: I hate all this violence
More death awaits in the next room.
[15:27:09] Alex: It's crazy how many people are dying
[15:27:17] Allihc: Yeah.
[15:27:18] Alex: Fewer people died in WW2
[15:27:24] Allihc: More body counts than Robocop
[15:27:34] Alex: Is that true or a joke
[15:27:45] Allihc: A joke
[15:27:49] Alex: Oh
[15:27:54] Allihc: If you watch Naked Gun
[15:27:57] Allihc: Nu
[15:28:01] Alex: Because this is so violent, it's probably accurate
[15:28:13] Allihc: That Charlie Sheen movie
[15:28:23] Allihc: The joke is in there
[15:28:24] Alex: Aaaaah
[15:28:27] Alex: I remember
[15:28:29] Alex: Yeah
[15:28:37] Alex: Hotshots or something like that
[15:28:44] Allihc: Yeah that one
[15:28:48] Alex: Which is basically Naked Gun with Sheen
[15:28:54] Allihc: When he goes on a killing spree
[15:28:59] Alex: Yeah
[15:29:17] Alex: That doesn't count though, because it's a parody
[15:29:22] Alex: This is just nauseating
[15:29:33] Allihc: Agreed, again
[15:29:53] Allihc: I know my people
[15:29:55] Alex: O.O
[15:30:03] Allihc: I know how good they can get
[15:30:26] Allihc: And Pasir Berbisik is maybe the bar
[15:30:30] Alex: I think we should have a review section on the site
[15:30:38] Alex: And pan this
[15:30:41] Allihc: You should do The Raid
[15:30:43] Allihc: Uhuh
[15:31:01] Allihc: But please explain to me why Kermode likes it
[15:31:12] Alex: I can see why
[15:31:19] Allihc: You can
[15:31:24] Alex: Yeah
[15:31:36] Allihc:
[15:31:38] Alex: It's well-made
[15:31:51] Allihc: Seriously
[15:31:53] Alex: It's easy to be fooled
[15:32:02] Allihc: Not 80s Hong Kong movie
[15:32:47] Alex:
[15:32:51] Alex: That's terrible makeup
[15:32:54] Allihc: And of course he doesn't notice the blood stain on it
[15:33:03] Alex: Yeah thought the same thing
[15:33:21] Alex: The problem with it for me is I've seen Ong-Bak
[15:33:29] Alex: Which is also well-made
[15:33:45] Allihc: Is he in pain or horny
[15:33:56] Alex:
[15:34:05] Allihc: How is this well made
[15:34:12] Alex: Some good shots
[15:34:16] Alex: Good music
[15:34:18] Allihc: Some
[15:34:25] Allihc: Like,
[15:34:30] Alex: You have to see it from a Western perspective
[15:34:47] Allihc: I've seen Twilight
[15:35:07] Alex: (Also, **** off Indonesian film board. I don't know how you can ban anything and not this.)
[15:35:20] Alex: Well, it's Hollywood
[15:35:23] Allihc: (Yep, there was an outcry)
[15:35:24] Alex: We know it's bad
[15:35:50] Alex: Can't they just go through the windows?
[15:35:56] Allihc: (But because of its achievement, it didn't work)
[15:36:22] Allihc: Pause
[15:36:25] Alex: Uhuh
[15:36:27] Alex: Thank god
[15:36:51] Allihc: It's so bad, I'm at a loss for typing all my complaints
[15:36:58] Alex: No
[15:37:01] Alex: Keep watching
[15:37:06] Alex: This is our review
[15:37:09] Allihc: (There was for the sequel)
[15:37:15] Allihc: Oh I know
[15:37:18] Alex: I'm just going to copy and paste this conversation
[15:37:24] Allihc: But brb
[15:37:25] Alex: Sho
[15:37:34] Allihc: Also
[15:37:57] Allihc: In such a slum, that apartment is better than my house
[15:38:04] Alex:
[15:38:11] Alex: I was wondering why they even live there
[15:38:42] Allihc: Now brb
[15:38:42] Alex:
[15:38:44] Alex: Sho
[15:48:39] Allihc: Back
[15:48:42] Allihc:
[15:48:45] Allihc: Ready now
[15:48:50] Alex: Yay
[15:48:52] Alex:
[15:48:57] Allihc: At least it'll burn some calories
[15:48:59] Allihc: From
[15:49:05] Alex:
[15:49:11] Alex: Play
[15:49:14] Alex: Nau
[15:49:18] Allihc:
[15:49:26] Allihc: God help me
[15:49:43] Alex: God help all of us
[15:50:04] Allihc: Uhuh
[15:50:09] Allihc: Oh so fake
[15:50:23] Alex: We should just do like Film Sack4
[15:50:34] Alex: Ouwee
[15:50:39] Alex: That must hurt
[15:50:54] Allihc: Uhuh
[15:50:58] Alex: Record a podcast over this
[15:51:07] Alex: O.O
[15:51:21] Allihc: Maybe we should
[15:51:53] Allihc: Do they really have to scream when charging
[15:52:15] Alex: How else would he know they're coming?
[15:52:55] Allihc: They're running
[15:53:25] Alex: Yeeeeeehaaaaaa
[15:53:34] Alex: yeeeeehaaaaaaa
[15:54:15] Allihc: I've been throwing my hands in the air like 20 times already
[15:55:01] Alex: Seriously
Unfortunately, after landing, they proceed to go back inside.
[15:55:06] Alex: Isn't there a fire escape
[15:55:23] Allihc: Why does he need to take off the velcro
[15:55:25] Allihc: Nu
[15:55:29] Allihc: The vest
[15:55:32] Allihc: Of course not
[15:55:33] Alex: Dunno
[15:55:39] Allihc: It's Indonesia
[15:55:41] Alex: But what did they fall on then
[15:55:51] Alex: A metal balcony
[15:55:57] Allihc: Stairs
[15:56:06] Alex:
[15:56:12] Alex: And he can't go down them
[15:56:13] Allihc: Fire escape I guess
[15:56:20] Allihc: Of course he can
[15:56:35] Allihc: But then it won't be dramatic
[15:56:53] Allihc: Need to
[15:57:14] Alex: There's that youtube channel that makes videos of how films should have ended
[15:57:59] Alex: In those cases, the films end up being 30 mins long
[15:58:04] Alex: This would be the same
[15:58:18] Alex: We could have saved 70 mins
[15:58:46] Alex: So basically this fake SWAT is a patsy
[15:58:54] Allihc: Yeah
Yeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaa!
[15:59:21] Alex: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeahaaa!
[15:59:34] Alex: Shoot him
[15:59:40] Alex: Why isn't he shooting him
[15:59:43] Allihc: Uhuh
[15:59:53] Allihc: Just get it over with
[15:59:58] Alex: Now I wonder who the actual villain is
[16:00:02] Alex: The cops kill them
[16:00:03] Allihc: While you're at it, shoot Laurel too 5
[16:00:08] Alex: He shows mercy
[16:00:12] Alex:
[16:00:47] Alex:
[16:01:00] Alex:
[16:01:02] Alex: So what
[16:01:14] Alex: He gets a boner for hand-to-hand
[16:01:37] Allihc: Apparently
Something is wrong when you're rooting for the villain.
[16:01:39] Alex: Well, at least he gives him a fair shot
[16:01:49] Alex: Don't see the SWAT team doing the same
[16:02:02] Alex: I'm rooting for the short dude now [i.e. Mad Dog]
[16:02:08] Alex: Fight!
[16:02:13] Alex: Fight!
[16:02:26] Allihc: I'm rooting for The BJs 6
[16:02:30] Alex: Aim for the balls
[16:02:55] Alex: With the Caps, that's easy to do
[16:03:17] Allihc: I'm rooting for the Caps
[16:03:22] Allihc: Go Ovi
[16:03:24] Alex: Gewd luck
[16:04:08] Alex: Wow
[16:04:10] Alex: He actually did it
[16:04:15] Allihc: Man, even the choreography is bad
[16:04:18] Alex: That's a surprise
[16:04:33] Allihc: He returns in the sequel
[16:04:39] Alex: Who?
[16:04:42] Alex: The cop who just died?
[16:05:25] Allihc: Uhuh
[16:05:29] Allihc: The FF6 dude
[16:05:31] Alex: Now how does that work
[16:05:37] Alex: Is he a ghost
[16:06:06] Allihc: Nu idea
[16:06:19] Allihc: He's the brother
[16:06:24] Alex: Yeah
[16:06:31] Allihc: How does that work
[16:06:42] Allihc: One is Chinese
[16:06:54] Allihc: Who's the parent, Michael Jackson
[16:06:56] Alex: And he looks like Theon7
[16:07:22] Alex: Don't trust him
[16:07:40] Alex: They look similar though
[16:07:44] Alex: Same nose
[16:08:00] Alex: Is he Chinese?
[16:08:01] Allihc: One is brown skinned, the other is yellow
[16:08:06] Alex: Or naturalised Indonesian?
[16:08:11] Allihc: Indonesians have the same nose
[16:08:16] Allihc: Indonesian Chinese
[16:08:22] Alex: Apparently my monitor is bad
[16:10:07] Alex: You know...
[16:10:09] Alex: After this...
[16:10:13] Allihc: How can he get a role in FF6
[16:10:19] Allihc: He's dead halfway
[16:10:24] Alex: I don't know how there can be a sequel
[16:10:59] Allihc: There's a sequel to Saw, why can't this
[16:11:00] Alex: Eh he looks good
[16:11:14] Allihc: Yeah, but looks like he has not much to do
[16:11:18] Alex: Well, you'd think they'd be smart enough not to do this again
[16:11:20] Allihc: It's the fighting ability
[16:11:24] Alex: What with all the murder going on
[16:11:30] Allihc: Just watch the trailer
[16:11:34] Alex: Sho
[16:11:37] Alex: I don't mean the movie
[16:11:40] Alex: I mean the characters
[16:11:47] Alex: This is like Ross and Rachel
[16:11:57] Alex: Oh, lots of people died last time
[16:12:02] Alex: Massive **** up
[16:12:07] Alex: Let's go raid that dude now
[16:12:11] Allihc: Uhuh
[16:12:11] Alex: What could possibly go wrong?
[16:12:32] Allihc:
[16:13:01] Alex: Seriously
[16:13:12] Alex: At least this boss has a modicum of intelligence
[16:13:22] Alex: No one notices he hasn't broken a sweat
[16:13:23] Alex: No blood
[16:13:27] Alex: Hands are clean
[16:13:27] Allihc: Seemingly
[16:13:31] Allihc: Uhuh
[16:13:50] Alex: Oh, NOW there's blood
[16:14:35] Allihc:
[16:14:38] Allihc: Talk too much
[16:14:38] Alex: I love this voice actor
[16:14:44] Alex: Just listen to it
[16:14:59] Allihc: His original voice is like that
[16:15:14] Allihc: But I dunno who the voice actors are
[16:15:16] Alex: I wonder if it's how I think it is
[16:15:47] Allihc: Is it Americans?
[16:15:53] Allihc: Or Australians?
[16:15:57] Alex: American
[16:16:09] Alex: All Indonesians speak with American accents
[16:16:18] Allihc:
[16:16:18] Alex: Just like everyone from Hong Kong does
[16:16:27] Alex: Disprove me
[16:16:30] Alex: Next time we talk
[16:16:35] Alex: What accent you have
[16:16:46] Allihc: What about [mutual friend]
[16:16:49] Allihc: [another friend]
[16:17:15] Alex: In what movies are they
[16:17:22] Alex: They don't count
[16:17:29] Allihc: Oh
[16:17:47] Allihc: That was a lucky throw
[16:17:53] Alex: AND there's a remake
[16:17:59] Allihc: Yeah
[16:18:03] Alex: There really is no point
[16:18:09] Alex: You can't do more than this
[16:18:12] Allihc: Hollywood always remakes crappy movies
[16:18:27] Alex: And good ones
[16:18:34] Allihc: Into crappy ones
[16:18:37] Alex: They remake anything that can make money
[16:18:40] Alex: Megatruh
[16:19:02] Alex: Unless Scorsese is involved
[16:19:08] Alex: But still no point in making it
[16:19:36] Alex: And replacing Leung and Lau with I'm Matt Damon
[16:20:07] Alex: (For those reading this, I like Damon.)
[16:20:09] Allihc: And DiCaprio
[16:20:16] Alex: DiCaprio
[16:20:18] Allihc: And and and
[16:20:23] Alex:
[16:20:24] Allihc: Wahlberg
[16:20:31] Alex: Nicholson
[16:20:36] Alex:
[16:20:49] Alex: Where is Affleck
[16:20:54] Allihc: Say hello to your mom will you
[16:21:09] Alex: Hey goat
[16:21:18] Alex: I like your beard
[16:21:27] Alex: So hello to your momma faw me
[16:21:35] Allihc: I had one in Perfect Storm
[16:21:48] Allihc:
[16:22:04] Alex: Clearly he wasn't beaten up enough
[16:22:05] Allihc: Dude is supposed to have at least 5 broken ribs
[16:22:07] Alex: Since he can --
[16:22:10] Alex: Uhuh
[16:22:35] Alex: Watch him get shot
[16:22:37] Alex: Yup
[16:22:47] Alex: This is an assassination
[16:23:05] Alex: Maybe they should just have hired the dudes who invaded the prison
[16:23:10] Alex: That was a cleaner job
[16:23:19] Allihc: Aaah
[16:23:28] Allihc: The short dude is the choreographer
[16:23:39] Alex: Really
[16:23:50] Alex: Makes sense
[16:23:52] Allihc: Him and Iko, the brother
[16:23:55] Alex: He looks legit
[16:24:11] Allihc: I mean the main actor, not the Chinese brother
[16:24:26] Alex: Oh
[16:24:34] Alex: The sweet looking one
[16:24:39] Allihc: Uhuh
[16:24:46] Allihc: The good Muslim one
[16:24:46] Alex: I couldn't hurt a fly
[16:24:55] Alex: Humans on the other hand...
[16:24:57] Allihc: Only humans
[16:25:01] Alex: They're fair game
[16:25:08] Alex:
[16:25:18] Allihc:
[16:25:50] Alex: Come on
[16:25:57] Alex: They gang up on you
[16:26:00] Alex: Sneaky dogs
[16:26:02] Alex: Fight
[16:26:19] Allihc: 85% on Rotten Tomatoes
[16:26:27] Allihc: What's wrong with people
[16:26:36] Alex: Violence, I guess
[16:26:42] Alex: cf. Saw
[16:26:58] Alex: Meanwhile Pasir gets nothing
[16:27:27] Alex: Just too bad it's directed by a bule
[16:27:34] Alex: maybe that's why it gets the buzz
[16:27:42] Alex:
[16:27:47] Alex: He dies
[16:27:57] Alex: Fight
[16:28:15] Allihc: Die already
[16:28:20] Alex: Fight
[16:28:32] Alex:
[16:28:35] Alex: Aah
[16:28:38] Alex: Still
[16:28:43] Allihc: Stupid movie
[16:29:05] Alex: They kill my favourite character
[16:29:12] Alex: What is this, Game of Thrones
[16:29:22] Allihc: Dunno
[16:29:47] Allihc: Oh, the sergeant doesn't return in the sequel
[16:30:08] Alex: No transportation?!?!!?
[16:30:34] Alex: The dead one
[16:30:49] Allihc: Uhuh
[16:31:01] Alex: Aah
[16:31:06] Alex: So no ghost
[16:31:22] Alex: This is an insanely complicated plan to get rid of one guy
[16:31:49] Allihc: Sandals
[16:31:52] Alex: What happened to just cutting his brakes
[16:32:00] Alex: Watch if he steals them
[16:32:08] Allihc:
[16:32:11] Alex: Do eeet
[16:32:12] Allihc: So stupid
[16:32:25] Alex:
[16:32:26] Allihc:
[16:32:34] Alex: That's what you get with a revolver
[16:32:45] Allihc: It's only 6 chambers ffs
[16:32:50] Allihc: Count it
[16:32:52] Alex: What residents?
[16:33:09] Allihc: Only one
[16:33:11] Alex: There's only --
[16:33:14] Alex: Uhuh uhuh
[16:33:44] Alex: The angry one survives
[16:33:57] Allihc: Where did he find the ---
[16:33:58] Alex: Corridor
[16:34:03] Allihc: crutch
[16:34:14] Alex: Magic
[16:34:16] Alex: ...
[16:34:17] Alex:
[16:34:19] Alex: Black... magic
[16:34:24] Allihc: Uhuh
[16:34:52] Alex: Nice close shot
[16:35:00] Allihc: Agreed
[16:35:04] Alex: Yeah
[16:35:07] Alex: Give it 5 stars now
[16:35:10] Alex: It's a masterpiece
[16:35:13] Allihc: Could be better
[16:35:14] Alex: That shot confirms it
[16:35:30] Alex: Oooooh
[16:35:33] Alex:
[16:35:42] Alex:
[16:35:45] Alex:
[16:35:51] Allihc:
[16:35:59] Alex: Linkin Park, ca. 2003
[16:36:09] Allihc: It's Shinoda
[16:36:27] Alex:
[16:36:44] Alex: Apparently my music knowledge is better than I think
[16:37:13] Alex: So Shinoda did the US score
[16:37:19] Alex: Is the original any good
[16:37:20] Allihc: Yeah
[16:37:26] Allihc: Nu idea

The credits roll and the film ends...

[16:38:07] Allihc: Ouweee
[16:38:10] Alex: So let me see...
[16:38:18] Allihc: Apparently Joe Taslim was a model
[16:38:19] Alex: The score isn't even original
[16:38:24] Alex: Dubbed
[16:38:37] Allihc: Uhuh
[16:38:51] Alex: It's basically American then
[16:39:00] Alex: Minus the brown skins
[16:39:07] Alex: But just pretend they're Mexican
[16:39:17] Alex: And this is LA
[16:39:27] Allihc: Uhuh
[16:39:33] Alex: No need for a remake
[16:39:56] Alex: And he does judo
[16:39:58] Alex:
[16:40:05] Allihc: Yeah
[16:40:07] Alex: And may we never watch this atrocity again
[16:40:11] Allihc: Legit Judo athlete
[16:40:15] Alex: Yeah
[16:40:18] Allihc: Uhuh
[16:40:24] Alex: Well, better than certain Hollywood dudes
[16:40:25] Allihc: With the Thor dude
[16:40:29] Alex:
[16:40:34] Allihc:
[16:40:34] Alex: My nail
[16:40:38] Alex: I think I broke it
[16:40:46] Alex: Help meeeeee
[16:41:04] Alex: I forget who it was
[16:41:24] Alex: Oh, I think Steve Austin
[16:41:27] Alex: The wrestler
[16:41:32] Alex: In Expendables
[16:41:44] Alex: He was when he saw how ninnie the actors were
[16:41:57] Allihc:
[16:42:00] Alex: Although I know Stallone got injured a lot
[16:42:10] Allihc: Aaah
[16:45:42] Alex:
[16:45:48] Alex: Go figure...
[16:45:53] Alex: Ebert gave it one star
[16:46:08] Allihc: Yep
[16:46:13] Alex: For once I agree with him.
[16:46:28] Alex: "the Welsh director, Gareth Evans, knows there's a fanboy audience for his formula, in which special effects amp up the mayhem in senseless carnage."
[16:46:30] Alex: Pretty much
[16:46:50] Alex: And then of course people got butthurt
[16:46:54] Allihc: I still need a logic to understand the positive review
[16:47:07] Allihc: Pretty sho Indonesians
[16:47:17] Alex: Nah
[16:48:52] Alex: http://www.rogerebert.com/rogers-journal/hollywoods-highway-to-hell
[16:49:12] Allihc: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vILAdjGmfaU
[16:49:21] Allihc: If you want to see a really great power metal singer
[16:49:32] Alex: Okay, if there's no novelty from it being foreign, what's the point
[16:49:57] Alex: Just because it never stops from fighting
[16:51:02] Alex: Bah I give up
[16:51:35] Alex: If you want action, I guess this is for you
[16:51:57] Alex: And for some reason, that's what Kermode wanted
[16:52:24] Alex: If I'm going to paste this conversation as a review this is the end of it
[16:52:28] Alex: I give up
[16:52:44] Alex: Let's watch Helloween
[16:52:56] Alex: Dat bass
[16:53:20] Alex: So high in the mix
[16:53:56] Allihc: And yet my heart sank and I asked myself: Is this all they want? Are audiences satisfied with ceaseless violence, just so long as they can praise it for being "well choreographed?"
[16:54:04] Allihc: ^^^ Exactly how I feel
[16:54:16] Alex: Review continues
[16:54:17] Alex: Yeah
[16:54:19] Allihc: Except even the choreography is meh
[16:54:38] Allihc: This movie offends my intelligence
[16:54:47] Alex: Ironically, it's the scenes with my favourite character that are beyond that
[16:55:02] Alex: But can you imagine Jet Li doing this?
[16:55:13] Alex: There's so much fighting, by the end he's run out of ideas
[16:55:13] Allihc: Oh, no
[16:55:24] Allihc: He does artsy fight only
[16:55:39] Alex: And he doesn't fight for 2 hours non-stop
[16:55:46] Allihc: Of course not
[16:55:54] Allihc: He stops to and
[16:56:02] Alex: And depending on the movie...
[16:56:04] Alex: To
[16:56:19] Allihc: Whoever there
[16:56:26] Allihc: http://static.rogerebert.com/uploads/movie/movie_poster/noah-2014/thumb_NOAHPOSTER.jpg Ihsahn
[16:56:40] Alex:
[16:56:54] Alex: Obviously not
[16:57:00] Alex: No sunglasses
[16:57:29] Alex:
[16:57:43] Alex: I don't think it offends your intelligence
[16:58:00] Alex: More like Intelligence, what intelligence
[16:58:16] Alex: This is the kind of film they watch in Idiocracy
[16:58:19] Alex: And cheer
[16:58:37] Allihc: I guess
[16:59:00] Allihc: Lemme be awed by Kiske's vocals instead now
[16:59:07] Alex: Uhuh
[16:59:10] Alex: I'm at min 6
[16:59:22] Allihc: 13

Thus ends our discussion of The Raid: Redemption. We decided to show how this conversation lingered following the credits, before finally being abandoned altogether in favour of a Helloween live show. An underwhelming end, one might say, to an underwhelming film. We hope you enjoyed reading our pain!

What we learned
Alex
1. Too many people died in this film...
2. ...to the point that it's hard to judge it artistically rather than morally.
2. Elite police squad is only pawn in game of life.
3. Jakartan slums have better kitchens than most Indonesians' homes.
4. Most policemen are corrupt and just as bad as the criminals they apprehend.

Allihc
1. It's okay to kill a kid in a slum if you're a cop.
2. You need to be gory when doing an ambush.
3. Actors in action movies can't count revolver chambers.
4. Mike Shinoda is still around.
5. I don't trust Mark Kermode anymore.
6. Profit

Notes
1. Mark Kermode is a respected film critic.
2. A reference to the superhero TV show, Arrow, in which every character fails to shoot on target, except for the protagonist, who almost never misses. Although this is a common trope, amongst the authors this is how it's known.
3. A reference to Legolas in The Lord of the Rings, whose quiver contains an infinite stock of arrows. Again, a common trope for which Legolas is the authors' icon.
4. Film Sack is a podcast series generally covering bad films. Occasionally, they record commentary tracks which fans can listen to while watching the film.
5. An annoying character from the aforementioned Arrow.
6. The BJs (Columbus Blue Jackets) and Caps (Washington Capitals) are ice hockey teams.
7. Theon Greyjoy of A Song of Ice and Fire.

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